Photos taken by my younger brother around my home town. I’ve been here for nearly 20 years. And what a string of memories have been made here….with more ahead to come….

The irony of writing about anxiety is..I feel anxious writing about it. I think it is one of the most complex mental health issues surrounding society today. Anxiety falls under one big umbrella that covers areas of such; physical health, trauma, depression, loneliness, bullying, cyber bullying, social media and many more. I will not talk about all of them, however I will touch upon a couple I can relate with, I hope will raise a few ears to a reality, that could be detrimental to me and perhaps to you.

Where I am in life at the moment. Who you see me as. My DNA. It is reflected through my parents. My friendship circle. My belief system. The norms and values I choose to follow. There is no other person who can be the way I am. However, I am as vulnerable as you are. To feelings of inadequacy. Feelings I am not good enough. Feelings of loneliness. Feelings of anxiety. Not knowing what tomorrow will bring when today was tough and yesterday was a nightmare. It’s almost as though I am being tested to my very limits and the scary thing is I surrender to my ‘weaker’ self. I don’t compete with society but I take the passenger seat and live life with a deflated attitude ‘I can’t do anything..’ I have been in this position a few times…and it is during these times where I don’t feel I want to leave my room, or see any body. I resort to comfort eating, for that instant boost of energy and listen to soppy music…

However as ‘the untethered soul’ by Michael A. Singer (Thankyou to a friend who gave this to me 🙏🏼) , he mentions the inner roommate inside our head “To attain true inner freedom , you must be able to objectively watch your problems instead of being lost in them. No solution can possibly exist while you’re lost in the energy of a problem” He goes on to say ‘if you would like to meet your roommate, just try to sit inside yourself for a while in complete solitude and silence…you’re going to listen to incessant chatter “Why am I doing this? I have more important things to do. This is a waste of time. There’s nobody in here but me. What’s this all about?”

Of course, it’s not simple to just do other things when we are caught up in an emotion so strong. However, I do believe trying to harness a proactive mind is a healthy approach to moving on from our own problems.. just as simple as a walk in the park or hoovering the house..or reading a book reminds me there is so much out there for us to do. (Listening to Lana del Rey is 👌☺️)

SOCIAL MEDIA. Fat. Skinny. Plain. Stylish. Curvy. Cool. Bikini body. Perfect skin. Food. Cake. Vegan. Vegetarian. Meat. Businesses. Celebrities. TV. Football. Mental issues. Gossip. Paparazzi. Trending. Money. Holidays. Beauty. Friends. Cyber Bullying. Nerd.Ugly. Dates. Mental health. Insecure. Books. Self-help. Intellect. Art. Inspiration.

THE LIST GOES ON. Social Media is the platform…it is the platform for everyone to voice their opinion. To flaunt their charismatic sides. To change. To influence. To project opinions on behalf of those who cannot. It is more or less the centre of attention and it can make some and break others. The power of abusive words, enough to make a footballer feel crippled inside makes me question how footballers show their face on the field. Instant happiness is heavily apparent in the face of Instagram (I display my happy snaps too) portrays the snippets of our lives we want to share. I have no problem with this. However, I wonder whether future generations are going to be delusional by the ‘perfect’ body or the ‘perfect’ lifestyle on this widespread social network. Not to say we should take pictures of us struggling but it’s more this quick paced nature of social media, that scares me. Keeping on top of other’s lives..Can make me hungry to achieve a certain level of happiness as quickly as possible… sometimes forgetting I can be happy in the present… in the now.. if I want to be. I think anxiety and social media is like a playground. There are so many cliches. How one fits in, they’ll do what it takes to fit in. How one can feel anxious, or isolated…well I guess I feel that way at times…don’t we all? But that shouldn’t stop us from giving what we can to one another.. understanding and moral support.

Here is a song I wrote called ‘Room’ a couple weeks ago. I want to say a big Thankyou to my dear Rhiannon Davies for helping me put this song together with her lovely piano playing and angelic harmonies. I hope you enjoy this song. It highlights the isolation one can feel when life is too tough , one is hesitant to show themselves to the world, or even speak out beyond the confinement of one’s own space. Sorry, I’m singing again hehe🙈. This song is a little window into what I will talk about in my next blog, under Mental Health awareness week.

I painted this from an image on Instagram from ‘artbybianca’. I thought it was beautiful. I decided to annilihate the style of the first image (scary impulsive move heehee) and make it more edgy in the second one because I just felt like I needed to release the imperfections that can bring movement to to the image. Bring life to colour. And accentuate the boldness of a photo thats just jaw droppingly beautiful. Check it out on instagram. Thanks. Happy Saturday everyone. Hope these pictures make you feel good inside.

Both in watercolour.

Please listen to ‘You Say’ and ‘Rescue’ songs by Lauren Daigle

Mental health. Mine. Yours. Ours. From the moment we are brought into the world, our mind acts like a sponge, soaking in everything within our surroundings. To this day, my brain is fuelled by the constant bloodstream circulating throughout my entire body connecting it to the central power source: the mind.

I am going to share with you how I nurture my own mental health.

The mind acts like a bridge to what my body wants to do and controls the way I feel and think. How I respond to trauma, how I deal with loss , my mind is vulnerable to breaking point or a blank space where thoughts dissolve into a void of feeling lost. My body is exhausted by emotions filtering anger, sadness, confusion, frustration. In turn, I may not want to leave my room. Or I may find one person, I’ll cry to and shout all the filth polluting my mind. I will become an enemy to my own life. Playing victim, may resonate with a lot of you. As for me, it is easy to. Sometimes I wonder how presidents, or influential activists, impact the lives of millions and manage to look beyond their own struggles and channel their willpower to make a big difference to disadvantaged lives. On my scale, I have family and friends whom I respect. Though life is hard. And it is hard for many. From the moment we wake up, a new day has begun. Within this day, I become responsible for my own mood. My own outlook. My own happiness.

How so?

I think one thing you would like to know about me is I don’t drink alcohol. I choose not to because I don’t want to numb my pain by alcohol. I don’t have strong opinions toward drinking alcohol. But I will say, it has helped me to be conscious of a pain I need not be afraid of. A pain that can be dealt with…a clear mind? Perhaps? I’d like to think I am a hero to my own self fighting off the villain of negativity that tests my limits. So, I’ve never met my drunk self….bit afraid to haha. Tea is my go to. I drink a lot of it.

I may seem to many like an innocent lamb. Who is just springing lightly on her feet. But beneath this facade, is a girl who is still trying to figure out who she is and trying to understand the world we live in. The society we yearn to create may seem foggy. Knowing my insecurities, I cover them with a protective blanket and try to blend in with the human psyche. How can I have a positive effect on my own mental health?

I realise being self centred on my negative thoughts drives me toward a dead end. A spiral that never ends but can swallow you into the abyss of unknowing. Our minds are so fragile. And I’ve underestimated how fragile it is. I encourage you to be aware of this.

Being constructive in our mind, is like building a house. A home where your mind can settle in a safe haven. For me it is always a battle. I am in conflict with my true nature and the feeling I am not good enough. So I change my way of thinking. And build on my inner strength, to realise I am worthy to be on this earth because I am Miranda Hanna. I enjoy good company. I love reading. Writing poetry. Jogging. Listening to good music. And opening this blog to you all. And I don’t think there is another one like me. Because I am unique. And so are you.