Miranda meanders

Here is a song I wrote called ‘Room’ a couple weeks ago. I want to say a big Thankyou to my dear Rhiannon Davies for helping me put this song together with her lovely piano playing and angelic harmonies. I hope you enjoy this song. It highlights the isolation one can feel when life is too tough , one is hesitant to show themselves to the world, or even speak out beyond the confinement of one’s own space. Sorry, I’m singing again hehe🙈. This song is a little window into what I will talk about in my next blog, under Mental Health awareness week.

I painted this from an image on Instagram from ‘artbybianca’. I thought it was beautiful. I decided to annilihate the style of the first image (scary impulsive move heehee) and make it more edgy in the second one because I just felt like I needed to release the imperfections that can bring movement to to the image. Bring life to colour. And accentuate the boldness of a photo thats just jaw droppingly beautiful. Check it out on instagram. Thanks. Happy Saturday everyone. Hope these pictures make you feel good inside.

Both in watercolour.

Please listen to ‘You Say’ and ‘Rescue’ songs by Lauren Daigle

Mental health. Mine. Yours. Ours. From the moment we are brought into the world, our mind acts like a sponge, soaking in everything within our surroundings. To this day, my brain is fuelled by the constant bloodstream circulating throughout my entire body connecting it to the central power source: the mind.

I am going to share with you how I nurture my own mental health.

The mind acts like a bridge to what my body wants to do and controls the way I feel and think. How I respond to trauma, how I deal with loss , my mind is vulnerable to breaking point or a blank space where thoughts dissolve into a void of feeling lost. My body is exhausted by emotions filtering anger, sadness, confusion, frustration. In turn, I may not want to leave my room. Or I may find one person, I’ll cry to and shout all the filth polluting my mind. I will become an enemy to my own life. Playing victim, may resonate with a lot of you. As for me, it is easy to. Sometimes I wonder how presidents, or influential activists, impact the lives of millions and manage to look beyond their own struggles and channel their willpower to make a big difference to disadvantaged lives. On my scale, I have family and friends whom I respect. Though life is hard. And it is hard for many. From the moment we wake up, a new day has begun. Within this day, I become responsible for my own mood. My own outlook. My own happiness.

How so?

I think one thing you would like to know about me is I don’t drink alcohol. I choose not to because I don’t want to numb my pain by alcohol. I don’t have strong opinions toward drinking alcohol. But I will say, it has helped me to be conscious of a pain I need not be afraid of. A pain that can be dealt with…a clear mind? Perhaps? I’d like to think I am a hero to my own self fighting off the villain of negativity that tests my limits. So, I’ve never met my drunk self….bit afraid to haha. Tea is my go to. I drink a lot of it.

I may seem to many like an innocent lamb. Who is just springing lightly on her feet. But beneath this facade, is a girl who is still trying to figure out who she is and trying to understand the world we live in. The society we yearn to create may seem foggy. Knowing my insecurities, I cover them with a protective blanket and try to blend in with the human psyche. How can I have a positive effect on my own mental health?

I realise being self centred on my negative thoughts drives me toward a dead end. A spiral that never ends but can swallow you into the abyss of unknowing. Our minds are so fragile. And I’ve underestimated how fragile it is. I encourage you to be aware of this.

Being constructive in our mind, is like building a house. A home where your mind can settle in a safe haven. For me it is always a battle. I am in conflict with my true nature and the feeling I am not good enough. So I change my way of thinking. And build on my inner strength, to realise I am worthy to be on this earth because I am Miranda Hanna. I enjoy good company. I love reading. Writing poetry. Jogging. Listening to good music. And opening this blog to you all. And I don’t think there is another one like me. Because I am unique. And so are you.

Peony is an explosion of exquisite beauty. Like short lived fireworks, they burst their petals with power and punch the air with colour. They show gust. They show flair. They ooze confidence I strive to attain in my life. That’s why the peony is my favourite flower. The mass of petals reflects all whom I love. A peony’s presence is a comforting one. I must say.

Resilience. I believe everyone can resonate with this term because life is hard enough for us to realise that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, no matter how green it may seem on social media. No matter how rosy the smiles we display are in our photos. No matter how much we earn.

Ultimately, I am victim to challenges. I am vulnerable to pain. I am weakened by the knees from expectations coming in all directions. The only way I can sustain a level of sanity is to recognise I am not alone. We all enter tunnels where we can’t seem to see the light, however long we are trapped in there. But by the end of the tunnel, there eventually will be. A glimmer of hope will always shine through because if we are here on this earth for a reason, should it not be centred on our interconnectedness. What I am doing right now, the mood I am in, the plans I have ahead for the day, is reflected upon the level of my resilience. As I look back to what I have been through, one cannot compare one’s pain, because as life as we know it can knock us in the teeth at any time, under whatever circumstance, however serious it may seem. The default weapon for me is resilience.

And sometimes it’s not utilised to my own advantage. Or I don’t react quick enough for me to dissipate the problem I am faced with. What do I do? Well… I don’t drink alcohol..because I choose not to.. but instead I acknowledge my pain, and I seek comfort from someone. That specific person who can shoulder, who can empathise, who can strengthen and catch every single breath shuddered with panic. And place their heart in your hands telling you what you need to hear and what you shouldn’t feed your mind with. What I am trying to say, resilience comes from within but it also can be scaffolded by the engineering minds of others. Who in their righteous ways can provide so much as a listening ear, a look of understanding or advice. Simply. One cannot exist without the other. We depend on each other because we care. However dark are days are, I believe there is someone out there waiting for you to come under their light, into their warm embrace. For that’s the beauty of resilience. It’s the direction of the arrow I choose to take, so I can target my downfalls, and walk away with my own lantern through the tunnels I needn’t be scared of.

I just stepped out into my back garden to discover my favourite flower has blossomed. Peony, pleased to marvel at your beauty.