Miranda meanders

My stars are fading

They tell me I need help

Overshadowed by the system

Confining me to

Experience

A recurring red face

Buried in my cold hands

Tied from theirs

~ an inescapable reality

I want to break free from

Heart beats rapidly.

Leave me alone

Leave me alone

So I can reach for my stars.

Education plays a major part in our lives and for many continues to do so. For me, during my entire education, I was under the spell of it’s system. I received SEN (special educational needs) and I hated it with passion. An inescapable reality led me to feel like I was so small and the most inadequate among the rest of my class mates. The feeling of being held hostage under them, is probably the closest analogy I could think of. Why am I sharing this with you? For one, this heavily rubbed on my self confidence and influenced the way I perceived myself and my potential in life. I don’t think anyone could fathom the constant tension my heart went through, every time my Learning Assistant came through the door and sat next to me. I felt as though my heart would fall out of my chest. This is rather courageous for me to open up about this publicly hehe. But I want to represent one of many who undergo the same situation, and can relate to the feeling of being patronised or subject to feeling like you wanna be invisible. I will not dismiss the two ladies who helped me, for they did and I am grateful to them. However, the dark truth of the matter is were my tears of sadness all for nothing? And why couldn’t I feel ‘normal’ like everyone else? If I had not received help, would I perceive myself in a more positive light and display my confidence more to others? Would I raise the bar, and set higher expectations for myself? Nonetheless, for all the Bullers Wood friends reading this, I want to thank you for treating me for who I am. Your kindness and freeness around me, kept me from escaping and going into hiding. So Thank You. Also to my parents who shouldered my burdens.

At the end of the day, I believe that anyone can achieve anything out of life if they put their heart and soul into it, regardless of our adversities. I won’t let this define me. Because I am Miranda the quirky odd panda 🐼, who loves writing and finds joy in sharing it with others. Plus. I have published my own poetry book ‘Pocket Full of Stars’ you can get a hold of on lulu.com or get a hard copy from me for £6 in person. Haha..just thought I’d squeeeze that in there. 😜Thank You for your reading eyes..🙏🏼

A watercolour painting I did of a horse on a beach, from an image I copied.

Horses are my favourite animal. And so I wanted to write a poem about them. Enjoy.

Hooves touch down upon solid ground

Their weight gravitates toward the centre of the earth

Supporting their every move

Beating rhythmic sounds into the air

The freedom to gallop

Ceaselessly along with the wind,

Mother Nature around them sings

They possess a beauty so striking

It is reflected in the dignified nature they hide

Peacefully

Yet a strong sensitivity to their homeland is amplified

By the sounds of their cries

The sounds of joys

And the longing to live with pride

Content with solitude,

They see beauty thrive

In the company of their own

Their senses come alive

Endearing love dwells in their eyes.

A watercolour painting of a horse I copied from an image, I decided to use 2 colours.

Madeline Miller, thank your for writing such a mystical and beautifully written book. Hands down, you are one to remember.

From the moment I lifted the first page and landed on the last, the entire adventure pulled on my heart strings. The way Miller writes with eloquence ties one sentence harmoniously to the next, sparking anticipation inside me to want to know what will happen on the following page. It is a fantasy book set in the Ancient Greek times based on her own fictional spin of greek gods and goddesses.

Here is a brief summery about the main character Circe.
‘Circe is the daughter of Helios, the god of the sun, and Perse, a powerful and beautiful goddess. She lives in the House of Helios, one of the largest and grandest homes of all. As the first-born daughter of such powerful deities, great things are expected of Circe. Circe, however, doesn’t live up to anyone’s expectations. From the moment Circe is born, she is a disappointment.‘

I will leave you to discover the rest of the story, but I will tell you she has a dark power of her own: witchcraft and she uses this to her own advantage when she is banished to the island of Aiaia…

Themes of mortality run through the book as you come across humans face to face with immortal nymphs, goddesses and gods. Where the matter of life and death is concerned, I could feel the vulnerability of the mortals, along side the indestructible power of the gods and goddesses.

Oh! But the imagery Miller creates is breathtaking. And in all honesty, I have never felt so spine tingly in so long with a book as rich in imagery as this. The metaphors sing poetry to me. I wish I could have written them all down however I did write a couple down that melted me inside.

‘But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another would dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. Such a constellation was he to me.

‘His face was like a quiet pool that would hold everything safe in its depths’

Her writing evokes a lot of emotion inside me because she pieces words together as though with a thread that magically brings depth and meaning to them. I highly recommend this book because it was a pleasurable read.. and I think you would agree too. Thank you.

Here is a song I wrote called ‘Nothing can tear us apart’. The lyrics speak for themselves. With Reamonn Bateman on guitar and Andi Haugen on the ukulele. Thank you to both of you. And me singing 🙂 Enjoy.

It didn’t occur to me to do a post about me haha up until today, 3 months down the line 🙊. So I am going to answer 5 interesting questions I googled online so you can understand the person I am today slightly better. Here goes..authentic Mirandaness ✌️

1.When was the last time I told myself “I love you”?

Hmmm… I don’t feel the need to say this because I just think its weird.. however I do believe in self loving. Treating my physical body with kindness as well as my emotional and mental well being is a constant battle I strive to achieve in my day to day living. It’s tough and sometimes I am my own worst enemy. Though on a bigger scale, I believe being healthy and active is a plus toward our wellbeing. On top of that, relationships act like mirrors. Good energy reflects off positive interaction with those around. I believe we need each other in order to feel self worth, and loved.

2. Am I a better person today, than I was yesterday?

That is hard to say. I struggle with the word ‘better’..maybe because I have quite low expectations of myself. In all honesty.. I am just me. I am who I am and I don’t think I know how to be ‘better’. I could say challenges have led me to become more self aware of my own limits and have structured the way I look toward my own life and what I can offer to the world…I suppose, maybe?

3. Is the life that I am living the life I want to be living?

Yes and no. For me there is often two sides of the coin. When it comes down to big questions like this one, I am hesitant to give a straight answer. Yes..because there is so much to life. It is like a bag of pick’n’mix. The passions and the hobbies I have, I genuinely enjoy because it fulfils me and brings out a good part of me. And no…because I fear failure. This stops me from stepping out of my comfort zone which in turn affects my mood and self esteem. I like to play it safe. But I know I should believe in myself more. And this is something I’m trying to do…

4. Who is that one person I can talk to about just anything?

My eldest sister Miwha. She is amazing. I cannot put into words how amazing she is. She lives in Berlin with her husband and two daughters. She has lived there around 8 years or so, and she has been my angel in the skies. Her wisdom, her clarity, understanding and empathy all tied into one big ball of love has a strong impact on me through wired technology of Skype and Wattsapp calls. It is because of her, I have managed to keep my head above water in times of need. I am grateful and I love her so much.

5. What has my heart and intuition been telling me that I might be ignoring?

That I can be happy with what I have and I shouldn’t dwell on the things I don’t have. To just be Miranda. The Miranda who doesn’t need to be someone she is not. To have faith every day can be a good day, if I want it to be. Living shouldn’t be seen as a chore to tick all the boxes, but should be treated like a box of chocolates, you never know which one you are going to get 🙂 Be present. And be kind to thyself.

Me and my eldest sister Miwha